Harry Potter and the Straw Hat Pirates
by fvwibv8y3474btg
Summary: It's a normal day of sailing for the straw hat crew. Sanji's chasing Luffy, and all is well. All seems well until they sail into a mysterious mist. The group find themselves in a world of magic and British accents. Harry PotterXOne Piece Crossover.
1. A Misty kinda Day

A/N: Hiya everybody! Wow I haven't posted anything in a LONG time. Anyway this is my First One Piece, and Harry Potter fic. Me and my Friend, Strange, have been planning this for a while, but we finally got our lazy butts up and wrote some of it. Anyway I'm turn this over to Strange so she can say something. PS, You can call me Tenshi from now on.

Strange: Yo! We were sitting around one day, wondering what the strangest crossover fic we could write was. And… Harry Potter and One Piece! Enjoy!

Disclaimer (Tenshi): Neither me nor Strange own One Piece, or Harry Potter, or any characters of either, though we wished we did, cause then I'd own Chopper!

* * *

The mist hung pearly white and a softening gray around the banks of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Term was already in full swing and it was the early morning on Halloween day. 

"Albus?"

"Yes Minerva?" Dumbledore asked, turning away from the bank of the lake where he was standing to face the wizened witch who now stood before him.

"Why are you out here on a night like this?" She asked, drawling her cloak around her to shelter her from the bitter winds.

Albus Dumbledore said nothing for a moment, turning back to the lake. "I feel an odd presence drawling closer to us, a very odd presence."

"Albus?"

"Kaiko Za mugiwara kaizoku"

* * *

In a whole other time and place a little ship sailed peacefully along the Grand Line. The occupants of the ship having neither care nor worry pass through their minds. 

"GET BACK HERE KUSOYAROU! THAT'S FOR NAMI-CHAN!" yelled the fair-haired chef, Sanji, who had just discovered who had eaten all the pastries he'd been baking.

"HehehehehahaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAHA" The idiotic captain, Luffy, laughed while running full speed around his ship.

Zoro, the green haired swordsman lay asleep under the mast, while Ussop the long-nosed sharpshooter scanned the ocean's horizons from the crow's nest. Nami the treasure hungry red-head who navigated the Thousand Sunny lay sunbathing on a deck chair, lolling in and out of sleep, while Nico Robin, an archeologist, sat not to far away immersed in a large tome of ancient cultures, with Franky sitting beside her, singing some bizzare ballad on his trademark pink guitar. And lastly, Toni Toni Chopper, the crew's smallest and cutest member lay asleep his head resting against Zoro's side.

The playboy chef finally caught up to his odd captain, kicking him soundly in the rear. The black haired Monkey D. Luffy was sent flying by the blonde's mighty kick, landing on top of both the santoryu practitioner, and the ever-lovable doctor of the straw-hat pirates.

"GAH! NANI KUDE YAROU" The swordsman cried, having had practically thefull weight of the insane captain land in his lap.

"WAH!" the little reindeer cried, jumping up and poorly concealing himself behind the large mast.

Nami, having snapped out of her semi-awake state, glared at the boys. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" She screamed, seeming to tower over them in her rage.

"Nami-chan looks so cute when she's angry," the lecherous chef said, his revealed eye taking form of a large red heart.

"Pfht, Sanji-chan looks stupid whatever he does." The muscular swordsman jeered.

"What was that seaweed head?" Sanji growled, turning to glare at the green haired man.

"You heard me dartboard!"

"Hey! Hey! Look, we're approaching a huge storm cloud!" the tanned boy called down to his friends, waving frantically, jumping up and down, pointing at the large black cloud that was about to envelop them.

It seemed barely a moment later before they were completely surrounded by the large dark cloud, as a thick pearly white and softening gray misted settled around them.

* * *

Afterwhat seemed like ages, the ship finally reached land, just not land there were familiar with. In front of them was a large, looming black castle, and bellow them was a crowed of students and adults. It appeared as if they weren't on the Grand Line anymore.

* * *

A/N: 

Tenshi: Yeah, first chapter done, two's commin up next, don't miss it! Also remember to leave a review, or else we'll be sad. If you want to see more of our works visit www. animemusicvideos. org/ members/ members myprofile.php? userid230491 (Take out spaces)


	2. Beard Ossan

A/N: Tenshi: Hey peoples! Guess what… Here's chapter two, read on my good people, read on!

Strange: HAI! REEAADDD… please.

Disclaimer (Sanji): Tenshi No Strange Productions does not own Harry Potter, or One Piece. I wish I owned One Piece, cause then I'd own Robin-Swan, and Nami-Chwan! (Heart eye).

* * *

The strange captain peered over the side, starring back at the dozen or so students and teachers who were now starring at him, his crew, and the cute lion-ship. 

"Ohh! Beard-Ossan!" He called jumping up and down, and pointing erratically at an elderly man with a long white beard, half moon spectacles, and an odd smile.

"Welcome, strangers, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." The old man said, a humorous twinkle in his eyes.

"This is weird" the sneaky navigator mumbled nervously.

"I don't trust them" the chef started. "Let's not do anything stupid."

"Hey! Beard-Ossan! Let me try on your glasses."

Big anime fall, straw hate crew style! Their captain had jumped off the ship and was now examining the old man.

"LUFFY!" They all shouted. Luffy ignored them, grabbing the man's glasses and putting the on.

"SUGOI!" The strange-brained captain yelled happily, walking around as if he were an intoxicated drunk.

Everybody starred at the mugiwara kaizoku. Luffy twirled around excitedly, falling into the lake.

"LUFFY!" the pirate crew shouted, knowing full well that their idiotic friend couldn't swim to save his life, literally. Sanji threw off his jacket, getting ready to dive in and rescue his comrade.

But before he could do anything, a long tentacle rose out of the water, depositing the idiot onto the bank of the lake. The mugiwara looked at the tentacle, up to Sanji, then back to the giant squid's tentacle.

"Sanji, I want takoyaki! Make takoyaki."

"No."

"Ohhh." Luffy moaned, looking depressed.

"I think" started the old man, who still did not have his glasses back, "That it is time for introductions. I am Albus Dumbledore, head master of Hogwarts."

"Hi Double Door-Ossan. I'm Luffy, I'm gonna be Kaizoku ou, I at the gomu gomu fruit, and this is my crew, " he started in what promised to be the world's longest sentence, "Nami, our navigator, she likes money, Usopp, our sharp-shooter, he likes to make up stuff, Sanji, our cook, he makes the best food ever, especially meat, I love meat, and that's Zoro he's a swordsman dude, he has three swords, and he puts one of them in mouth, and that's Chopper, he's a reindeer, he's our doctor, he ate the hito hito fruit, he can turn into a person, and he wears a pink hat, which is cool, but not as cool as my straw hat cause I got it from Shanks, and then there's Nico Robin, she was Miss All Sunday and she used to work with crocodile and Baroque works, and last of all but still kinda cool is Franky, he's weird but I like him." He said with out a single breath, pointing to each crewmember as he talked about them. "Hey Ossan, you're a wizard! Can you do magic?" he asked, just remembering what Dumbledore had said.

"Of course" he said with drawing his wand, and waving it so that his half moon spectacles flew off of Luffy's face, and back onto his own.

"SUGOI!" Luffy called. "Hey, Beard Ossan can I learn magic too? It looks cool!" He asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"You can, if you and your crew wouldn't mind staying for a while." Dumbledore said, an odd twinkle in his eyes.

"Ok, we're staying!" Luffy said decisevely.

"WHAT!"

And so began the Straw Hats' adventures at Hogwarts

* * *

A/N: 

Tenshi: Thank you for reading Chapter three ought to be up soon! Review please!


	3. Gum Gum Fruit

A/N: Tenshi: Three chapters up in one Day! WOOT! Read on.

Strange: (is currently reading Water 7) GO SOGEKING!

Disclaimer (Luffy): Tenshi No Strange productions does not own Harry Potter or One Piec- Yay the Meat's ready! (runs off)

* * *

A few hours later in the Great Hall... 

"Welcome everyone to the Halloween feast. I know it is unusual for me to making a speech during this time of year, but I have a few announcements to make. First off, there have been rumors going around about some new students who have joined us late in the year. I would like to say that these rumors are true." He started. Students started whispering. Among the whispering students were Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"It's those weird guys from earlier today on that weird ship. It must be." Hermione hissed to the other two.

"And so I would to introduce you to your new classmate, the Mugiwara Kaizoku-dan." The Headmaster continued.

The large double doors opened and seven people; two girls, five boys, and a reindeer; all dressed in Hogwarts School robes, walked in.

"Before we begin our consumption of this delicious meal, we must first have a second sorting." Dumbledore stated, then sat back down.

" When I call your name, please come step forward. Usopp" Professor McGonagall called. A tanned boy with curly black hair and a long nose stepped up.

The sorting hat was placed on his head, and after a few minutes the hat declared that Ussop would be best suited for "Ravenclaw!" The odd youth walked over to his table and sat down, as the other houses (minus Slytherin) cheered.

"Sanji" A tall boy with blonde hair, and a curly black eyes brow walked up. A moment latter the hat called out "Gryffindor!" The Blonde walked off toward the Gryffindor table his hands in his pocket. Nonchalantly he took the seat next to Hermione.

"Roronoa Zoro" Another tall boy with seaweed-green hair stepped up, the hat barely brushed his hair before declaring "Gryffindor!" The Swordsman sulked over to the Gryffindor table taking a seat opposite Fred and George, and far away from Sanji.

"Toni Toni Chopper" The Reindeer walked up, having a moment's trouble getting up on the chair. All the girls cooed about how cute he was. "Ravenclaw" The hat called, to a tumult of applause from girls at the Ravenclaw table. The reindeer walked quickly over to the Ravenclaw table, sitting next to Usopp.

"Nico Robin" The second-tallest member of the new group of student, a pale, dark haired girl with piercing blue eyes walked up, sitting gracefully on the stool. It was a good five minutes before the hat declared "Ravenclaw!" and she was free to walk to her table, many of the guys in the hall following her movements as she headed toward her seat.

"Nami" the other girl walked up sitting down of the stool. A lot of the guys snapped out of their daydreams about Robin to stare transfixed at Nami. "Slytherin!" the hat called out, much to the surprise of many people (including Sanji who started to cry because he wasn't in a house with Nami or Robin.)

"Franky" The man (wondering why he was at a school for magical British teenagers, wondering why he was in school robes, and wondering why they used his nickname, but not really bothered enough to really care) sauntered up, and took a seat. The hat seemed to sense a bizzare Slytherin-like capacity for evil within him, but it was overcome with an intense bravery, so of course he was put in "Gryffindor!" He walked to the table, and decided to sit next to Zoro rather than Sanji.

"Monkey D. Luffy" The boy, who was wearing a straw hat instead of a wizard's hat, walked up smiling goofily. The hat didn't even to seem to make contact with the boys' head before shouting out "Gryffindor"

"Hehehehehe" the boy laughed insanely walking over to sit across from Sanji, Harry and the others. His laughing seemed to make the others around him nervous, because they all started to edge away.

The wizened old headmaster stood. "I hope you all will treat your new classmates with the kindness and respect you show the rest. Tuck in!"

And so the feast began, the food appearing in the center of the table. Luffy's eyes lit up and he started grabbing everything in reach before anyone else could even get to it. It wasn't long before Luffy has eaten everything in front of him. After her cleared his section of the table, he shot out his arm, using his rubber power to grab things further down his table and from other tables. Everybody, minus his nakama, gawked slack-jawed at him.

"How the hell are you doin' that?" Ron asked, having found his voice first.

"When I was little I ate the gomu gomu fruit that made it so I can stretch, but I can't swim" the kaizoku said simply, between bites.

Everybody continued to stare at the kid wearing the straw hat, and people could already tell that this was going to be a rather eventful year.

* * *

A/N: 

Tenshi: yeah, three chapters down! Review Please.


	4. The Imperious Curse

A/N: Tenshi: Hi y'all, thanks for the reviews, I'm also happy to say this is the most read fanfiction I've ever written. Yeah! Anyway this is chapter 4, we will be having more angsty chapters in the future but for now this is for fun.

Strange: Franky Franky Franky Franky Franky Franky Franky, Water 7, Franky Franky Franky Franky……

Tenshi: (sweatdrop) Please excuse Strange, she finished reading Water 7 a little while ago, and now she won't shut up about it.

Disclaimer(Zoro): Tenshi No Strange Productions does not own One Piece, or Harry Potter. Now give me my grog! (Ps: Call me Zolo in a review and you die!)

Tenshi: Ye have been warned.

* * *

"How Long does this take?" the dark cloaked man hissed.

"It's hard to break into people's mental defense, especially from this far away!" the other Death Eater hissed back. "I just need to find someone whose defense can be easily broken. Someone who I can control their mind and do so from here. Someone who…"

"'Someone who' what?"

"I found someone."

"What?"

"I found someone with no mental defense what so ever, well that is if you don't count that dream about meat, but still. I've found the perfect puppet."

"Great, now get on with it!"

* * *

Back in Hogwarts most everyone was asleep safe in their beds.

BOOM!

"Gah!" The swordsmen yelped, falling out of his bed. The other boys in the dorm looked around. Franky continued snoring, evidently a very heavy sleeper.

"Wha' 'appened?" Ron yawned, looking around, only half-asleep. Seconds later his eyes snapped open fully awake. "What happened?" he asked, looking around again. Two beds were empty, Sanji's and Luffy's, but what had woken him up was the fact that were there had once been a door was now large splintered hole in the wall.

"Wh-what made that?" Dean Thomas asked, also staring at the hole.

"Bakayarou!" Zoro cried, grabbing his swords and running out of the whole to find his demented captain.

* * *

'Find and destroy Dumbledore' The Death Eater's voice echoed through the Straw Hat's brain. 'Find and destroy Dumbledore'

Luffy walked down the long entrance hall, in search of his target. There, there was his target standing only a foot in front of him. Now, for the attack! "Gomu Gomu No Pistol!" he called, launching his mighty punch.

With a sickening crash the double doors that lead to the Great Hall shattered from his mighty punch.

'No you idiot! Dumbledore, the strong wizard, the man with glasses and the wand!'

* * *

"I don't believe it…" the Death Eater whispered looking dumbfounded 

"What?" his partner asked, looking at the shocked man beside him.

"He doesn't know what a wand is." He replied slowly

"He what?"

"That idiot doesn't know what a wand is." The Death Eater said louder this time, still unable to believe it.

"It doesn't matter, just describe it to him, or something, we have to get rid of Dumbledore, or our Lord will have our neck." He hissed. His partner shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts.

"Alright, let's try again… Shit."

"What?"

"I lost him."

"Well find him again, he can't have gone far!"

* * *

"Hey Sanji, Is there any meat?" Luffy asked, having found the kitchen. 

Sanji sighed; he'd snuck out of bed to find the kitchen so Luffy wouldn't find him, and here Luffy was. "Just take what you want and get out, I can't have you terrorizing the house elves." He hissed.

"Sugoi!" He called jumping up, but when he landed back down his eyes were clouded over.

'Find the man with the strong sticks.' The voice of the Death Eater said in his brain.

At that moment Zoro walked in, having gotten lost looking for Luffy, and some how found his way to the kitchens.

"Hey Dartboard, do you know where the idiot went?" the swordsman growled.

Luffy turned around to face him. "Powerful swords." He said, walking toward his green haired companion, his hand outstretched toward Zoro's swords.

"NANI KUDE?" He yelled, jumping back. Luffy was reaching for some very questionable things.

'No! Not him!' the Death Eater cried.

* * *

"That's it, I can't take this idiot anymore!" The Death Eater yelled.

* * *

"I think I'll get some grog." Zoro said, the house elves hurried off to get it for him.

* * *

"Hmm…?" 

"What?"

"This man is very strong, all he thinks of is beer and swords, he has a very strong mental defense."

"Just get on with it!"

…

The Death Eater had the world's biggest nosebleed. "Nami-Swan, Robin-Chwan!" he muttered before passing out.

"What the hell?"

* * *

A/N: 

Tenshi: Hi everybody, if you can't tell the Death Eater was using an unforgivable curse.

Hermione: Haven't you EVER read "Hogwarts a History", you can't cast a spell on Someone in Hogwarts unless you're inside the building.

Strange: Shut up Hermione!

Tenshi: Also I must say that there will be NO Hermione Bashing in this fic, we like Hermione, and see no reason for this bashing.

Strange: That said there will be LOTS of Malfoy Bashing! (HEHE)

Tenshi: Yes, here is the list of people that will be bashed during this fic.

(Malfoy, Snape, Voldemort, Umbridge, Fudge, Lucious Malfoy… and who ever else we think of later, maybe some Bellamy and Eneru bashing much later on)

Strange: Fangirls, Ye be warned.

Zoro: Where's my grog? (Don't call me Zolo!)

Chopper: Please review, PLEASE? ONEGAI!

Strange: KAWAIII!


	5. Major Smoker

Strange: Thank you all, thank you all so much! I couldn't thank you mor-…. I'm being distracted by Franky. OMG FRANKIEEEE! YOU LOOK SO AWESOME DESPITE THE SPEEDO!

Tenshi: Strange, you were supposed to…

Strange: Yes, explain why Robin wasn't in Slytherin and why Chopper and Ussop were in Ravenclaw. Chopper is a very gifted doctor, extremely gifted, so Ravenclaw. Ussop is gifted also; he's very inventive, especially with those Dials in Skypiea and beyond. But, there's no way that Ussop is brave _yet _(apart from very rare occasions), and I don't want to put a straw-hat into the "everybody else" category of Hufflepuff.

Cedric Diggory's Ghost: HEY!

Strange: Robin had us thinking for a while- she's cunning, but also very intelligent. Remember, just because she worked for Croc doesn't mean she's evil forever. I HIGHLY suggest you go read or watch Water 7… NOW! It shows a lot of why we put Ussop and Robin where they are- I don't want to spoil anything, but…

Nami goes into Slytherin because she is very, very cunning. Plus, the Mugiwara Pirates need a mole on the inside, right? Hehe…

Tenshi: ok, that was Strange's weird long reply. Anyway, Thanks SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS! Also, thank you for having over 800 people read our story. You all RULE! Also in reply, thank you all again for your complements, and for NOT saying Zolo in your reviews…

Zoro: (Evil glare)

Tenshi: Also grog, is beer, rum, booze, moonshine, anything that is alcoholic, that isn't fancy like Champaign or wine.

Disclaimer (Ussop): I, The great captain Ussop, Say that Tenshi No Strange productions does not own One Piece or Harry Potter. Now read on! (Gets all weird, scared, and wiggly) PLEASE.

* * *

Morning came soon for the Mugiwara Kaizoku-dan and the rest of Hogwarts. THEN, we cut to a TOTALLY DIFFERENT time and place, in a Grand Line far, far away. 

"Balup Balup Balup, Balup Balup Balup…"

"Smoker-san, it's the den den mushi!"

Major Smoker (formally) of the Logue Town Marines picked up the odd phone.

"Yo, Moshi Moshi… ah, Pheasant…"

Tashigi thought she saw something strange through the normal morning mist on the ocean. It was a thicker mist, a veritable fog of pearly gray fog that seemed to be slowly creeping in upon the boat.

Smoker was too absorbed on his phone conversation to notice.

"You WHAT? When…. I said…. Agh...!" He slammed the phone down.

"Frickin' mugiwara… frickin' bird shithead…" he looked in Tashigi's direction, and noticed the fog.

"Oi, Tashigi, what's-"

The next thing they knew, the Kuro Troupe was out in the middle of a small lake somewhere in Britain.

* * *

"So basically, that's why there are pictures of animals are everywhere…" One student concluded, having been trying to explain the house system, and it's symbols. 

"Sugei!" Luffy exclaimed, jumping up, and looking around at all the students. His eyes landed first on a group of Hufflepuffs eating breakfast. "Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!" He started, pointing at each of the Hufflepuffs.

His attention was then caught by the food that was being served for breakfast. "Mushroom, Mushroom."

His attention switched back to the Hufflepuffs. "A badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger… Mushroom, Mushroom! Badger, badger, badger, badger!"

He caught sight of Nami sitting next to a fair-haired boy at the Slytherin table. "Snake, snake, oh it's a snake!" He called.

"WHAT!" Nami yelled, her teeth turning jagged, and her eyes pointy and white.

"Don't insult Nami-Swan!" Sanji growled loudly, giving his odd captain a sound kick to the head.

"Mushrooms! Yosh!" the Mugiwara only replied, attacking and devouring a plate of uncooked mushrooms.

"Freak…" muttered Malfoy.

* * *

Smoker gritted his teeth. He was sick of the small room, and sick of everyone in it, especially the short man with the bowler hat. There was something about the man that seriously _grated on his nerves._ He was sick of the fact that the man had a smug sense of superiority that seemed quite unfounded. Smoker could take this asshole in ten seconds flat… asshooollee…. aasssssss…. holleeeee… 

It should be noted that the Minister of Magic didn't allow cigars to be smoked in this particular room. Roughly 99.9 of Smoker's annoyance and short temper was due to this.

"So, you see, mister…?"

"Smoker. "

"I'd rather like something other than a nickname, my fine-"

"It's Smoker. S-M-O-K-E-R."

"Err-."

"IT'S SMOKER, DAMMIT!"

"Um… yes, quite. So, you see, Mr. _Smoker, _I am Cornelious Fudge, Minister of Magic. It is my job and the job of the Ministry to keep a balance, an order. We keep the peace. And, needless to say, we were wondering why such,"

Smoker sighed. Another "justice!" spouting blowhard. He got enough of this BS from his higher-ups back at headquarters.

"People were…. Blah blah blah…. Appeared… blah blah blah… arrest, for safety, you know…."

"Eh?" mumbled Smoker, snapping back into reality after wistfully dreaming of two of his prized cigars. Tashigi nearly fell over, having been distracted by her small book of swords.

"Look here, Minister. What the HELL were you saying about arresting me and my fellow Marines?"

"I'm sorry, but there's no way to verify that you are actually Marines. Imagine our surprise at a small fleet of ships appearing out of nowhere, Mister Smokey."

"IT'S FREAKIN' SMOKER!"

"The point is, until we can verify this, I'm afraid you will have to take a temporary place in Azkab-"

"That won't be necessary, Cornelious." Said a tall man standing in the doorway. He had long blonde hair and very expensive-looking clothes.

"…Lucious?"

"These people are guests, and should be treated as such. This way, my friends; I'm sure that I will be able to find suitable accommodations."

Smoker got up, leaving thorough the door. Tashigi and Hina followed. Lucious hung at the door for a few moments.

"Yes, these 'Marines' could be very useful to us."

* * *

A/n: Tenshi: Well, that's chapter 5. Thanks for reading our story. Also Weird Luffy with the badger stuff, that's a VERY random reference to badgerbadgerbadger dot com. Also thank you to all the people who think that we are "very god". Lastly I must say that Strange shall from now on be writing the Marine people. She wrote the scenes with Smoker, and I believe she's done very well. I prefer being random to being serious when it comes to One Piece, but this will be a very serious fic in places. Also we're planning on having omake later on, but it'll be a chapter or two. Thank for your reviews. Please send us more. 


	6. Luffy plus Potions equals Bad

Tenshi: Hiya! Yo! Seriousness coming soon, but not this chap. Anyway, Strange wrote most of this chapter, give her a round of applause. PS, Snape appears, and you'll be all like wow, it's Snape, and he's like all PMSing. Also Franky Rules, Sanji SUCKS ROCKS!

Strange: Tenshi's such a poser, she hasn't even seen Franky's unmasking yet.. And Sanji doesn't suck. On a side note, I officially hate Spandam. SPANDA IS EVIL. HE'S **SO** GOING DOWN. Anyway, new chapter. YAY! Oh, and see if you get the reference to LOST.

Tenshi:(sticks out tounge)

Disclaimer(Nami): Tenshi No Strange Productions does not own One Piece, or Harry Potter, now give me all your gold.

* * *

Lucious finished his report to Lord Voldemort. Though it was far out of view of his pawn, Voldemort let a smile slip. 

"These… marines… may be of use to us. As may be the pirates. Listen closely. Here is the plan"

* * *

Usopp frowned. Why did he have to be in the same 'potions' class as Luffy? He saw a disaster coming, and quick. Usopp got his textbook out and turned to the page on the chalkboard. He was paired up with a Griffindor girl named Hermione, and Luffy was teamed up with Zoro. Franky was in the back, trying to refrain from beating the daylights out some smartass Ravenclaw nineteen years younger than him. 

Hermione sighed. Teamed up with some idiotic, barbaric pirate. He'd probably mess up the potion, thus giving her a horrible grade, thus causing her to fail Potions, thus…

Zoro, meanwhile, was busy doing his best to restrain Luffy from devouring the potion ingredients.

"But ZORO… Newt eyes look so deliciou-"

"AHEM!" Snape cleared his throat, staring down his (rather large) nose at Luffy and Zoro. "Is there a problem here? Or shall you two forever interrupt my teachings with your pirate DRIVEL?"

"Yeah, there's a problem." said Zoro. "This idiot is trying to eat the newt eyes."

Snape picked up the jar in question, walked across the room, and slammed it down on his desk. "Now. You all have the page number written down, page 108, pay careful attention to steps 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42."

"Okay, greasy ossan. Don't screw up, Zoro."

It took quite a bit of self-control on Snape's part not to pull out his wand and give Luffy a horrible, disfiguring hex.

"Hmm… step eight…" mumbled Usopp. "Hey, Hermione, could you please pass the butterfly eggs? It says to add them after stirring three times counter-clockwise, before adding the essence of peony…"

With a loud and rather huffy "Hmmph!", Hermione handed over the ingredient. This stupid pirate would probably blow them all up, or try to poison her, or do some other pirate-like thing. Though, she noticed, he seemed to have quite a hand at making potions. He was careful, and-

A huge CRACK noise shook the room, and the dungeon was soon filled with thick smoke.

"YOU **FREAKING **IDIOT! YOU ADDED IN THE WRONG INGREDIENT!"

"WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HANDED IT TO ME!"

"At least **I **didn't try to stir the potion with SOMEONE ELSE'S SWORDS!"

"It's not MY fault if I don't get the whole 'wand' thing!"

From a row behind them, paired up with some Griffindor girl, Sanji sighed. "Screwing up again, Marimo head? Tisk tisk tisk. Bet you couldn't pass second grade, much less wizard school."

"Wanna take it outside, ya curly-eyebrowed girl-chasing PANSY?"

"WHY YOU-"

"**SILENCE!**" yelled Snape. "I will not have you _pirates_ arguing and interrupting my class! If you can't be civil, you'll have to leave!"

"Yessir!" said Sanji, Zoro and Luffy at the same time. Franky continued staring from the back of the troom, enjoying the show.

"You see, baka-Zoro, you're supposed to do it like _this!_" said Luffy, adding in an ingredient.

* * *

Outside by the lake, Chopper and Robin were suprised by an explosion that rocked the school from the dungeon up. Chopper frowned. 

"What could that have been?"

Robin shrugged, going back to her book.

* * *

"GET **OUT!**" Luffy and Zoro were being shoved toward the door by Snape. The whole room was singed, and most of the students were either trying to stop coughing up smoke or trying to put out the flames on their tattered robes. 

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" yelled Snape. "AND DON'T YOU **EVER **COME BACK!"

"Bu-"

"**OUT**!" Snape slammed the door in Luffy's face. Snape walked back into the room and set down.

"Looks like I've found a student worse than you, Potter. Never thought I'd see the day… not that you're all _that_ much better…"

"Please, _Professor._" Said Harry. "Don't put me on their level."

Franky promptly whacked him on the head.

* * *

A/N:And that's all she wrote. Now, review!

Strange: AHAHAHA CONTINUITY ERRORS AHAHA PRETEND THEY'RE NOT THERE MY DARLINGS


	7. Tanuki And Deatheaters

Strange: HOLY CRAP here comes a serious chapter! Oh, and for a reference to recent One Piece… I can never look at a revolving door the same way again. Or a pigeon. Man I freakin' hate that bird. Oh, and I'd like to say that the Straw-hat pirates in this story are those from just after the Davy Back Fight (and after Aokiji). This is to avoid… complications that would be caused by a W7 story.

Tenshi: Hi, not sure what we'll be writing about, but I'm actually going help this time.

Disclaimer(Enel): YA HA HA HA! Tenshi No Strange Productions does not own One Piece, or Harry Potter, so says I, God (also known as the Real Slim Shady).

Tenshi: That's great Enel-Sama, can we write now?

Enel: YA HA HA! ( goes off to the moon)

* * *

A cool November wind ruffled Chopper's fur on the way to Care of Magical Creatures class. He smiled, and couldn't wait for winter. This was Chopper's first Care of Magical Creatures, and he had it with the Hufflepuffs. 

Upon laying eyes on Chopper, Hagrid froze. He stared at Chopper, awestruck.

"Yer one a' them… them tanuki from Japan, aren't ya?"

Chopper growled, and went into 'big mode'. "I'M NOT A FRICKIN' TANUKI! I'M A REINDEER!"

"Yer a…" Hagrid was at a lost for words. He looked like he had fallen in love. "Yer a… a reindeer? A reindeer with a blue nose who can shapeshift? Yer a-"

Chopper sighed, with that same sad look in his eyes. "Yes, I know. I'm a mon-"

"Yer amazing! How'd ya do that?"

Chopper looked suprised. Hagrid ran up to him, and started asking questions about what he was.

"SHUT UP frickin STUPID HUMAN! I don't need your compliments! I'm not flattered! STUPID! STUPID HUMAN!" said Chopper, doing his happy dance. All of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls said "AWW! HE'S SOOO CUTE!" simultaneously.

Robin smiled.

* * *

Luffy glared at Nami sitting over at the Slytherin table. Zoro took a bite out of his steak. 

"How come SHE can pass all of her classes so great?" he mumbled. "Stupid Nami, I hope she CHOK-" Sanji interrupted Luffy's Nami cursing with a kick to the head. The force of the attack caused Luffy to whack into Zoro, which sent Zoro's steak knife hurling into the air towards the Slytherin table, barely missing Franky's face. It landed with a THUNK in the spot Malfoy's hand had been seconds before.

"I KNEW IT!" yelled Malfoy. "You pirates have had it out for me from the beginning! You're probably out for my father's money, you-"

"**_Shut up._**" Said Luffy, Sanji, Zoro and Franky, giving Malfoy the 'evil eye'. He EEP'd, shut up, and sat down.

"Attention, students!" came a call from the front of the Great Hall. Dumbledore stood up, and addressed the students.

"As you all know, we've recently been joined by the prestigious Straw-hat pirates. To celebrate this, we're taking a suprise trip to Hogsmeade!"

"…Prestigious?" mumbled Harry. "Quiet!" hissed Hermione.

"The trip will be next Sunday. I hope you all enjoy! Now, back to stuffing our faces!"

"That was quick." Said Zoro. Luffy said something through his meat, but no-one could understand him, due to the fact that he was already back to stuffing his face.

"Hey…" said Usopp to Robin. "What's 'Hogsmeade'?"

Robin shrugged.

"It's a small town with many shops, and it's also rumored to be the home of the goobly goblin." Came a voice from behind them. Startled, Usopp turned around.

"Thanks, um…"

"Luna Lovegood." She said. Luna turned to Chopper. "And you're a tanuki, aren't you? A magical raccoon-dog that can-"

"I SAID I'M **NOT A TANUKI!** Geez, stupid frickin'…"

"He's a reindeer, a man, and a doctor all in one." Said Usopp.

"His nose… it's blue… that's a sign of otanausclerosis. It's a lethal disease that turns the victim into a blueberry."

"…REALLY?" asked Chopper. Luna nodded. Usopp stared at Luna Lovegood, and decided to ask someone _else_ what Hogsmeade was.

* * *

Malfoy walked down the hall, flanked (of course) by Crabbe and Goyle. 

"Those pirates, I can't STAND them! They're worse than Potter, I swear! Especially that idiot captain, and that redhead bi-"

"You know what?" came a voice behind them. "I really, _really_ don't like you." Sanji glared down at Malfoy. "And I really, **_really _**suggest you don't finish that sentence, because I'll have to **_kick your ass_**."

Malfoy turned around and smiled. This guy was just a skinny cook. Pirate or not, he was no match for Crabbe and Goyle.

"You'll what?" asked Malfoy. "If I call her a bitch?"

* * *

Malfoy awoke in the hospital wing two days later.

* * *

"Hogsmeade! Hogsmeade! Hogsmeeeeeade!" yelled Luffy and Usopp together. They were on their way. Filch stopped them. 

"You've got to have permission from a guardian. No signature, kiddies, no entry." A hand came out of the arm Filch was holding the papers. It grabbed a quill from his other hand, signed the papers "_Nico Robin"_ and disappeared. Filch tried to stay away from the straw-hats after this, deciding that trying to discipline them might be a risk to his health.

"HOGS! MEADE! HOGS! MEADE! HOGS!…" Usopp and Luffy were even more excited, and Chopper joined in. Franky was tempted, but decided the better of it.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Harry, I don't think they're _that_ bad… Why, the blonde one, yesterday he came up to me and-" 

"Hermione, have you got the hots for a pirate?" asked Ron, the tiniest hint of jealousy in his voice.

"_NO, _of course not! It's just that he was rather polite, and that one with the long nose, he…"

"They're still ruddy pirates." Said Harry. "I just don't understand why Dumbledore let them stay here!"

"You trust him, don't you?" asked Hermione. "You know he has a reason."

"I guess they're not that bad, except that bloody blonde-…" mumbled Ron. He glanced over at Zoro, who was standing alone, looking in a store window.

"Then go make friends." Said Harry, shoving Ron in Zoro's direction.

"Why ME?" he asked.

"Because" said Hermione "Your personality is just ever so wonderful, he'll fall in love with you the moment you meet!"

Hermione shoved Ron in Zoro's direction, also. "FINE, fine, at least he doesn't look all that dangerous…"

* * *

"Erm, …Hullo!" said Ron. "…Hi." Mumbled Zoro, engrossed in the quill selection. 

"So… erm… how's the-"

"What do you want?" asked Zoro directly.

"Um, nothing." Said Ron, mentally taking back the "not all that dangerous" line. "Just want to get to know you all. No-one ever seems to talk to you all, that's all."

Zoro smiled. "We get that a lot. Part of the occupation, you see."

They started walking off in the direction of the Shrieking Shack. Ron was following Zoro's lead, not sure why he was heading in this particular direction, but not daring to complain. Zoro, of course, was lost.

"So, where you come from…" began Ron, "People hate pirates?"

"Some people." Said Zoro. "We met our navigator when she stole from and tricked the captain, and I…" Zoro looked at his swords, Wadou in particular. "I started off as a bounty hunter."

Ron gulped. Dangerous nothing, this guy was a monster!

"Some pirates are good, most are bad. Same thing with everyone else. I can't help but guess not all 'wizards' use their powers for the forces of good, right?"

Ron nodded.

Zoro started to say something else, but stopped when he realize they were lost in the woods. Than it began to get cold. Much colder than a November afternoon should be.

Ron's eyes widened. "No…" he said quietly. "No… not them… why the hell do they-"

Zoro heard it, again. He heard the boy from the dojo telling him Kuina was dead. He saw her dead body, broken, the life from it gone far too soon. He saw Mihawk, slicing him, feeling the world's best blade gutting him like a fish, his life and dream going down the drain. He felt that pain again. He was in Logue Town, seeing Luffy die. He was in Little Garden, encased in wax, suffocating, feeling the pain of his legs cut halfway through, thinking that there wasn't enough time for Luffy to save them and that he, Nami, and Vivi would die. He blamed himself, if only he had been stronger. He then saw Chopper's lifeless bloody body, and felt the pain of being electrocuted with a force stronger than lightning again.

"Hey… hey pirate!" yelled Ron. Zoro lay pale and lifeless on the ground. Though Zoro didn't scream, Ron understood it was similar to what happened to Harry whenever dementors were near.

"Pirate! Wake up! Hurry! If you don't, we're screwed! COME ON! **WAKE UP!**"

"We can't have that, can we?" came a voice from behind Ron. He turned around sharply.

There stood a death eater surrounded by dementors. A sick laugh came from behind the mask.

"Just be glad that the Dark Lord wants you two pirates alive."

"Two…?" thought Ron. Did this man think he was a pirate?

The death eater raised his wand. "Of course…" he said, "That doesn't mean we can't have a bit of fun, does it?"

* * *

A/n: Reveiw. Chopper's happy dance commands it! 


	8. Oh No and a Speedo

Strange: OOO! Cliffhanger! Ha ha ha. Let me ramble on and on and on while you wait to see what happens to- ha ha, kidding. Let's get on with the show.

Tenshi: Hi y'all, strange wrote this one, tell her she's great, I did the checking this time. I'll write later chapters.

Disclaimer (Franky): Oh! Oh! YEAH! (strums his guitar) I call this one "Tenshi and Strange don't own One piece or Harry Potter".

Tenshi&Strange: Hey! Are you making fun of us?

Franky: Nope! I'm too busy FEELIN' SUPER!

Strange: …Okay…. (does the Franky pose)

Tenshi: …Dorks.

* * *

"I told you, I don't have any idea where your friend is!" said Luffy. Harry glared at him. 

"It's rather suspicious, isn't it?" asked Harry. "Ron goes off to talk to a pirate, half an hour later he disappears!"

"How do we know your friend didn't do something to Zoro? We can't find him, either!" said Nami.

"Honestly, I can't believe I started to trust them!" said Hermione. Something in her voice said she was hurt.

"Zoro wouldn't kidnap anyone!" said Chopper.

"Oh, so you're saying he didn't kidnap him? I see, it's much easier for a **pirate** to just kill someone right off, isn't it?"

"Zoro didn't kill anybody!" said Usopp.

"Oh, quit giving me this bull! I'm going to go find Dumbledore! If Ron isn't okay, you pirates are going to suffer for it!"

"Who the HELL gave you the right to blame us?" said Luffy, grabbing Harry by the collar. "Why the-"

"Get your hands off of me!" yelled Harry. He drew his wand.

"It's pretty suspicious that a person in a group the whole school seems to hate goes off with one of 'em and doesn't come back." said Franky. "Roronoa's as strong as a monster, but who knows what kind of dirty tricks a wizard could pull."

"I swear, if you don't let go, I'll-"

"MAKE ME!"

"Petrificus Totalus!" yelled Hermione, pointing her wand at Luffy. The wand fizzled, and the spell had no effect.

"Wha-?" stuttered Hermione. "What _are_ you people? Why didn't it work?"

Luffy shoved Harry away from him, causing Harry to fall to the ground.

Hermione decided to try the spell again.

Sanji ran up to Luffy, holding him back. "Listen, you idiot, we might nee their help! They-"

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"

The spell his Sanji straight on. His arms snapped to his sides, and his legs snapped together. He tottered for a moment, then fell to the ground.

"SANJI-KUN!" yelled Nami.

Luffy turned to Hermione. "What the HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"I-"

"What'd he do to you?" asked Usopp, running to Sanji's side.

"Serves him right!" said Harry, getting to his feet.

"He- he'll be fine." Said Hermione.

His face twisting with effort, Sanji slowly started to move his arms and legs.

"That- that quick?" asked Hermione. "First it doesn't work on the captain, and now he can get out of it _that_ quick?"

Sanji slowly sat up. "Looks like marimo-head is causing problems for all of us."

Hermione looked at Sanji and Luffy with a face of sheer horror.

"N-no!" said Sanji, standing up.

"What is it?" asked Luffy, urgently.

"I…" said Sanji weakly, "I CAN'T STAND to have such a beautiful woman hate me! I would rather die! I would rather suffer any other tortures known to man than have a mademoiselle have contempt for me! I strive so for the love of beauties! I would rather feel the pain of hellfire itself rather than-"

Nami kicked Sanji back to the ground.

* * *

"I told, you, I'm not a pirate!" 

Zoro awoke to hear Ron yelling next to him. They were in a dark, gloomy room of a long misused house.

Zoro's hands were tied behind his back, though what kind of rope could hold him he didn't know. Frickin' magic.

"Oi." Said Zoro, glaring at the death-eater standing over them. "Who the hell are you, where the hell are my swords, and where the hell are we?"

"Shut up and quit asking questions, you're getting on my nerves." Said the death eater.

"We're in the Shrieking Shack." Said Ron. "I've been here before."

"That's one question." Said Zoro.

"I told you to shut up, ya pirate asshole!"

"I'll tell you to eat shi-"

The death eater pointed his wand at Zoro. "Crucio."

The pain was swift and horrible. Zoro yelled through gritted teeth.

The death eater stopped. "You ready to shut up now?"

Zoro was breathing heavily, but he maintained his composure.

"I told ya', first, you've gotta eat-"

"CRUCIO!"

Ron looked away as Zoro was tortured again.

"We can keep this up as long as you like. I've got all day to get what I need to know from you two."

"You honestly think…" said Zoro, sweat all over his face, "That some pansy-ass _wizard_ can take on a full-fledged pirate?"

"CRUCIO! Let's see how long you can take the pain this time."

Through the horrible spell, Zoro managed a mocking smile.

"D'You… even know… what… pain… is?" he gasped.

The death eater was taken aback. He'd never known someone to be coherent during the spell, and for someone to speak…

He ended the spell, and kicked Zoro in the face.

"Frickin… pansy…"

* * *

"Captain Smoker," said Lucious Malfoy, his voice smooth as silk, "Could you tell me what these pirates look like?" 

Smoker reached into his jacket, pulling out several wanted posters. He handed them across the desk to Lucious.

Lucious studied the posters carefully. He smiled inwardly, recognizing the green-haired one from the report he overheard from a fellow death-eater. The pirate was being questioned at this very moment, and once night came he would be delivered to the Riddle House for the Dark Lord himself to do as he liked with. At first, Lucious had wondered why the Dark Lord cared so much about a few pirates, but if this Marine was any indication, they could be rather useful after all.

Lucious raised his eyebrows. "Quite a bounty. I wonder how many Beri to a Galleon, and vice-versa… Is this the entire crew?"

Smoker shook his head. "It's rumored that there may be even more of them. They vary quite a bit- few similarities between them."

"And what do you intend to do," asked Lucious, "if you find these pirates?"

Smoker slid his finger across his throat to signify what he intended to do.

* * *

A/N: Welcome to the Omake theater! This is basically a place to put in jokes and side stories that wouldn't or couldn't fit into the actual story.

edit: This was also written before we decided to include the Sunny and Franky in the main story.

This one's titled "Franky comes to Hogwarts: Part 1." Enjoy! (NOTE: slight spoilers about Franky's appearance!)

When the man entered the Great Hall, everyone got instantly quiet. From his sunglasses to his Hawaiian shirt to his speedo, Franky (the Hidden King of Water 7) had quite a presence about him. People could not help but to turn their heads and stare when Franky the cyborg and skilled dismantler came into the room. Finally, something broke the silence. A call from across the Great Hall expressing all of the thoughts and emotions the entire student body had for Franky.

"PLEASE PUT ON SOME PANTS, YOU FREAKING WEIRDO!"

* * *

A/N:Review, or else you'll make Chopper cry! 


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